STICKING TOGETHER

DAY 150: Before I settled in with my Bible for my evening conversation with God, I sat down at the computer to check the status of my "friends" with a quick read of facebook.  As is common, most of the people on fb I never actually see in day to day life. Some of them live in far off places, some are colleagues and ministry connections, and a few are from high school. A good number of my "friends"are people from church that I know but only see on Sunday mornings. Most of my family, including nieces and nephews, distant cousins, my parents and my kids are my "friends."  Then there are those I have no clue who they are, but I can't bring myself to "unfriend" them.

I haven't figured out what it is about Facebook that most of us find so appealing.  It might be the sense of affirmation that comes with knowing we can definitively number our friends - and that with a click of a mouse we can add more any time we want. If I have a bad day but sit down at the computer to find that someone has "friend-ed" me, things must not be all bad.  Or Perhaps it is just the opposite.  The appeal may be that false sense that we are being a friend to others just because we "like" or "comment" on someone's status, yet we aren't bothered with actually having to commit to being involved in their real lives. Or maybe it is just entertainment.

At any rate, I sat down to find out what kind of day all my "friends" had before I moved on with my own life and received a very unexpected lesson on genuine friendship. It started when I read a post by a colleague about a very sad situation:

Just found out that a precious pastor's wife, only 32 years old, has passed away. Thank you for the beautiful letter you wrote me when you became a pastor's wife, too. You were a lovely young woman, wife, mom, and lover of Jesus Christ. Makes me ponder tonight on the brevity of life.

It was such a lovely tribute, and so heartfelt, that I was intrigued about this "lovely young woman."  The post included a link to her Facebook page of this "precious pastor's wife" so I clicked hoping to discover something of her life that was so admired.  On her page, it was clear that those she knew were devastated at her loss.  Indeed, she was young, and beautiful and by all appearances someone others would be drawn to - but not because of her beauty.  Comment after comment described the kind of person she was to those who knew her well. They poured their memories out to honor her:

I will cherish our last hug shared and the joy you expressed over our daughter's baptism.

She was the most amazing nanny ever to my children. She loved them like her very own. When she and her husband left. . .  she made the most incredible scrapbook of her time with my kids.

She was one of the first people who truly showed me what a "Love Walk" was early in my Christian "born again" life.

I met her at the mall play area. As we talked and I told her my situation, I felt very close to her. About an hour later she throws me two $20 bills on the escalator and says God Bless You. I will never forget her kindness.

I was fairly new to the church and had a particularly challenging week with my husband being deployed. She was singing with the band and I was in tears as I was in my seat listening to one of the worship songs. She saw me, put down her mic, rushed to my side and put her arm around me even though the band had not finished their songs.  She was the most selfless, caring person I know.

During a time of crises, it was her who contacted me to say she had been up all night praying. That was her, always concerned for others.

She always had a minute to spare for me and was always interested in the minutiae of my life. I never felt pressured or judged in her presence.

The one I remember most was the kindness she showed at a baby shower to a single mother when no one showed up but her!

Each comment reveals so much, and there were many many more.  It is as if the word "friend" is too small to convey how so many felt about her. What a contrast to the very place where she was being eulogized - the shallowness of Facebook.  She seemed to be all heart, caring and commitment.  It was hard not to be drawn in to the sorrow so many felt at her passing.  

With a prayer for her family, I closed facebook and sat down to spend time with the Lord, my Bible open to passages for the night.  1 Chronicles continued to name and number the tribes of Isreal that returned to the land after exile. That passage concluded with a look back at how their downfall had started, with the demise of the first King, Saul. As I read about his death I couldn't help but ponder how differently those who knew him mourned, compared to the tributes I had just read. They tore their clothes and fasted for seven days, but there were no personal accolades that showed he had built intimate relationships.  It was corporate sorrow, a national sorrow, but not a personal sorrow.  Was that "lovely young woman" actually richer in the end than the King of Israel? 

The New Testament passage completed the story of the ship-wrecking storm that almost took the life of Paul and all aboard the ship that was carrying him toward Rome and his trial before Ceaser.  In the worst of the storm, Paul assured them all that God had told him "None of you will lose your lives, even though the ship will go down." I thought of Paul's companions who were on that boat voluntarily.  His friend Luke and others had made the choice to go with Paul on the journey toward a very uncertain end.  Why did they show such loyalty to him?  And what had caused the commanding officer over the prisoners to want to spare Paul's life in the storm? Paul had somehow won their hearts.  There seemed to be a parallel about Paul and the "lovely young woman"  who also won the hearts of so many.  

What did the two of them have in common that caused the people they knew to be so steadfast and unwavering?

With that question still echoing in my mind, I moved on to read today's Proverb - that little bite sized morsels that caps off my time with God each day.   Today, in just a few brief words, God, who heard all the questions of my heart about the "lovely young woman" and Paul, and Saul's sad ending, gave me the answer.

Proverbs 18:24  A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Paul and this "lovely young woman" knew the secret to being the kind of friend that earns more than just "liking" from others -they knew how to STICK. How simple yet how involved such an endeavor is.  Think of all the synonyms related to "stick" and what that would look like applied to  relationships.

TO STICK - to cement, adhere, glue, remain, cling, continue, serve, trust, respect, honor, persist, wait, endure

What does it look like to stick? We only need to read over the tributes to our "lovely young woman."  She was there through thick and thin.  She adhered to those others would not.  She persisted, remained, honored, and respected.  Because she stuck to them, they stuck to her. Having many companions and many friends may look the same on Facebook, but one is a mirage and the other is the real thing. "Liking" can never replace "Loving."

Today we are challenged to STICK whenever and wherever we can because the world is full of people who need that kind of friend far more than they need an occasional "like." A real friend is far more than just a facebook status.

 Day 150 of 365
1 Chronicles 9
1 Chronicles 10
Acts 27:21-44
Psalm 8:1-9
Proverbs 18:23-24