HOW TO SUCCEED IN LIFE - PART 1

Day 171: (Part 1 of 4)

What is the secret to success?  It’s hard to tell based on all the “success plans” in the marketplace.  Amazon offers 150,320 books on the topic, with titles like The Real Truth about Success and The Key to Success. I guess we have to choose if we want The Truth or The Key.  Is it possible that there is more than one way to success.  What if The Truth works for some and The Key works for others? In our family we definitely discovered there is more than one way to find success because there is more than one way to define success.

Our kids' school years often illustrated that reality. For instance, success for our daughter in Jr. High was completing those years with her self-esteem in tact.  We never worried about her grades as academics came pretty easy for her.  We had high standards for scores and she did not disappoint. Anything below a C for our high achieving focused child was unacceptable because we knew what she was able to achieve - that mark defined success. For her, The Truth of hard work was her path to success academically.  I was more concerned with making sure her social life was a healthy A+ experience since she was not really a joiner. Success for her was not being president of every club or the life of every party. It was having at least one solid faithful friend she could share her life with.  Thankfully, that was successful, too.

Her brother, only one year older, was measured with an entirely different success stick… not lower or higher, just different. As Hannah was completing 8^th grade, Bailey was finishing his freshman year in high school.  Socially, the year was an overwhelming success.  With him, there is always room for one more friend, especially if the friend was a “she.” Having only 1 or 2 friends would have been utter failure for him. Again, thankfully, his definition of success was reached with a busy social calendar. But if his social life was the pinnacle, his academics were rock bottom.  His struggles with ADHD required a shift in our perspective on success.

Every six weeks bad news came home on his report card, mostly in the area of Geometry and Spanish.  That’s when we would give our obligatory parental speech about trying harder, scare him with doom and gloom about a future of ditch digging, and take away all privileges.  We used every resource/tactic within our power to help him be successful but he didn’t need THE TRUTH about success, he needed a Key to success. That Key turned out to be his mom writing out a study plan and then overseeing the plan on a daily basis. 

His biggest obstacle was geometry. No matter how much he studied, he could not seem to pass, or even finish, a test in that class. To fail meant he would have to repeat the course in summer school and miss summer camp. It looked inevitable and his final exam grade was the nail in the coffin. But Bailey found one more Key to success; charm. Mr. Social has been unlocking doors of opportunity with his genuine likability all his life.  So he applied it liberally to his Geometry teacher to pull success from the jaws of failure.

            “Mom, I did it!” Bailey got in the car screaming on the last day of school. “I passed Geometry.”

            “How is that possible?  I saw your test grade.”

            “My average for the whole year is a 69.5. My teacher rounded it up so I passed with a 70. She thinks I’m funny so I passed. I’m a genius!” And the victory dance started.

            I was so ecstatic that the irony of celebrating his woefully inadequate grade didn’t even matter. His 69.5 was a huge, albeit different kind of success than his sister's, achieved in an entirely different and unconventional way - but surprisingly just as satisfying. 

Two kids, two measures of success - both valid.

           The Old Testament book of Esther is another great example of how conventional wisdom is not always compatible with success.  Of course, like with my son Bailey, that depends on the definition of success.  In this retelling of a young exiled woman who becomes queen of the conquering empire, there were two options for success.  The King of the Persia, or husband to be, gave a pretty clear definition of success with his interactions with the queen who came before our heroin Esther.

          As you read in the passage, in just his third year of reign King Xerxes, "who reigned over 127 Provinces from India to Ethiopia" was just completing a six month celebration to which everybody who was anybody was invited to join.  He capped of the opulent extravaganza with a banquet for the servants and officials lasting seven days.  At the same time, his wife, Queen Vashti, hosted a banquet for the women. On the seventh day, when the King was "half drunk" he summoned Vashti to come to his banquet dressed in all her royal splendor so that he could show off his wife.  Against all conventions, she refused a direct order of the King.

        Protocol, if you wanted to live long, required that a king's command was always obeyed.  If he called, you came. If he didn't, you never presumed to intrude.  That was the way to be successful as a Queen in the Persian court.  It was pretty simple really.  But Vashti refused to follow the path of success.  Scolars all have their speculations as to why she might have refused, but the bottom line is, she did not go when he beckoned.  There would be consequences.

^1:15 “According to law, what must be done to Queen Vashti?” the King asked. “She has not obeyed the command of King Xerxes that the eunuchs have taken to her.”

       After consulting with his advisers, all of whom feared their own wives would rebel when they heard about Vashti's defiance, the king was persuaded to do three things:  exile Vashti who would no longer queen; make a decree demanding that all wives obey their husbands; search for a new queen.

Later, when the king's anger had cooled, he had some regrets, but it was too late; Vashti's fate was sealed. There was a path to success that was ensured and Vashti decided not to take it. She deemed something else more important.  We don't have the privilege of knowing what that is, but suffice it to say, she had her own definition of success and groveling before a drunk king and his drunk guests to keep her crown was not it.

There is more story to come in the next few days, but for now I was impressed by a few principals that will serve me well from this small obscure incident in history.

• You really can celebrate too much; moderation is nothing to scoff about. 
• Things done in anger are often regretted but not always reversible. 
• Big decisions require calm deliberation. 
• It's unwise to take advice from people who have a personal agenda.
• Defining success is a very personal endeavor that often reveals what we value. It can't be defined for you by someone else.
• The path we chose will always have consequences so we better chose for ourselves. 

        For the King and his officials, success was an obedient wife.  For Vashti, it seems success was keeping her dignity. So, did she succeed?  It depends on who you ask.

LESSON 1 OF "HOW TO SUCCEED IN LIFE": DON'T SETTLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DEFINITION OF SUCCESS; DEFINE IT ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN VALUES THEN TAKE THE PATH THAT WILL GET YOU THERE - IF YOU DARE.

As a follower of Christ, that means defining success according to THE TRUTH, Jesus, my only Key to real success. 

Esther 1
Esther 2
1 Corinthians 11:17-34
Psalm 35:17-28
Proverbs 21:19-20